It is the ultimate lover’s insult – your boyfriend, girlfriend and husband or wife roots against your team in the Super Bowl. It is comparable to an act of treason and puts loyalty and intimacy down into the gutter.
How dare they? When your heart is beating rapidly, and you are holding your last breath in support of the team, you love.
But don’t get upset about it, because if you are smart, you can use that infidelity to escape a rotten and long ago, expired, relationship. You can use that one conflict to end the greater one.
Makes sense, no?
Serious football fans are ripe and suckers for these kinds of psychological attacks. A diehard football fan cannot have a serious and loving relationship with someone who roots for an opposing team.
It is, simply, impossible and defies sports logic.
An obsessed, football fan would rather die or leave the relationship than cross over to your side of the field. If your end zone has ‘Giants’ written on the grass and their end zone says ‘Eagles’ the relationship was doomed from the start anyway.
Therefore, by rooting against and cheering every time their team fails to score you are coming one step closer to total freedom, and pushing them out the door.
There is ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ because they will never be able to forgive you – especially if their team loses and gets annihilated by your team.
Here are a few ways to use the Super Bowl to escape a lousy relationship:
1. Say Things Like: “Honey, I can’t wait for my team to kick ass on your team in the Super Bowl!”
2. “Oh my god, how did those losers make it all the way to the biggest game of the year?”
3. “Is your team’s quarterback using deflated footballs?”
DURING THE GAME
1. “What a bunch of losers? Does your team always play like that?”
2. “This game is no contest. A Pop Warner team in kindergarten could beat these assholes!”
3. “What kind of play was that? They looked like those little, vibrating players jiggling around on an old-time, electronic football game my dad had.”
4. “Did these guys come out of retirement?”
5. “What a beating your team is taking, baby. My mother could play better than that!”
1, “Baby, I’m sorry your team took such a thrashing!”
2. “Why do you continue to support those losers?”
3. “I would be embarrassed to root for that team!”
4. “Are you really going to work tomorrow, honey? Maybe you should stay home. You’re going to be the laughing stock at your job.”
And then, of course, is the ultimate, comment you can use if your significant other’s team loses the Super Bowl:
“Oh my god, that team is a bunch of fucking losers…just like you are!”
If that last comment doesn’t have them charging out the door and leaving you forever, then nothing ever will.
Good luck and enjoy the game!
Joseph E. Rathjen is a freelance writer and an Opinion Writer at 1World Online – America’s Fastest Growing Social Research Engine.