Robots are fun, and you can use them for almost anything. Unfortunately though, robots still have limited capabilities when interacting socially with humans, or even each other. Although a few apps like Cleverbot will allow you to talk to a robot, getting one to think the way you do and perform specific functions is a bit tricky.

Getting humans to follow along with you in a conversation is sometimes, well, an exercise in futility. I’m not implying that people should always agree with you, but at least being somewhere in the same comprehensive plane of understanding would be nice.

Know what I mean?

That’s where my new “U-Bore” Conversation Robot comes to the rescue. U-Bore is a sophisticated and socially adaptive robot that can have conversations with people on your behalf. They can be used to answer phones, have a conversation with someone in person, analyze the responses, and then report back to you directly with a score.

The score, being of course, an evaluation of whether or not you should bother to interact with that person yourself in real time.

For instance, U-Bore answers a phone call for you. After a few minutes on the phone, U-Bore hangs up then turns and looks at you.


“Yes, U-Bore?”

“I have finished the conversation with the caller, Joseph.”


“I have determined that the caller is a telemarketer and is looking to suck money out of you. Their speech patterns, overall evasiveness and knowledge of your personal data implies that their intentions are less than trustworthy.”

“Your recommendation?”

“Have no further interaction with them and block them from repeatedly contacting you.”

“Make it so, U-Bore.”

U-Bore then uses his WiFi connection to zip through the “cloud” and destroy all digital data that person or organization has about you, including your phone number.

U-Bore has many other applications. One of the most convenient ones is having the ability to imitate your voice and carry on phone conversations with your friends and family. Unbeknownst to the caller, U-Bore can carry on an authentic chat with them utilizing all known information about you and the caller.

For instance, the phone rings and U-Bore answers and responds:

“Hi, Dad.”

“Hi, Honey.”

“Watcha, doing?”

“Nothing, why?” (U-Bore knows all your speech mannerisms and how you usually respond to your daughter.)

“I was just wondering, Dad, do you think you can lend…”

After 5-minutes on the phone, U-Bore hangs up and reports:


“Yes, U-Bore.”

“Your daughter called a few minutes ago.”

“What does she want?”

U-Bore hesitates a moment, chuckles a little and then says, “Money, she wants money again.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I told her, in your voice of course, that according to my current calculations she is late on other loan agreements you have had with her in the recent past.”

“What did she say?”

“She said, “Dad, you are a stingy, son-of-a-bitch, and I’m never speaking to you again.”

“Isn’t that what she said last time?”

“Yes, Joseph, according to my memory data. Then she called you back three-days later and asked to borrow your car.”

U-Bore can be a personal assistant for anything what you want him to be. But his specialty for conversation is what makes him priceless. By using his hidden and remote earplug, you can have him listen in to phone and in-person conversations and make suggestions.

For instance:

You’re standing by the water cooler in your office when your boss approaches. You quickly tap U-Bore’s remote earpiece.

“Joseph, can you work late tonight?” Your boss asks you.

You wait a few seconds while U-Bore springs into action. Suddenly you hear in your earpiece:

“Don’t fall for it, Joseph. I’ve just checked your bosses recent text messages. He just finishing texting a message to his wife. In the text, he said that he can come home early tonight. He said one of his favorite monkeys who always does what he says is standing by the watercooler right now.”

“Oh, really.”

U-BoreΒ – is the voice when you don’t want to have one, and the ear when you can’t bear to hear anymore.


For The Daily Prompt: You, Robot

9 thoughts on “Meet “U-Bore” My New Anti-Conversation Robot

  1. Oh please — I’d like to order 3 – covering all my bases πŸ™‚

    Brilliant piece and by far one the best suggestions for robotic use I’ve ever heard!

  2. Pingback: SURVIVALIST INTEL | Meet β€œU-Bore” My New Anti-Conversation Robot | The Political and …

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