Every now and then I get the urge to write about something ridiculous that will have everyone saying, “What the hell is this post about anyway?” It does not have to be about any one, specific, topic in particular, but it should be dumb enough yet clever enough to keep everyone following along.
This is one of those times. Aren’t you lucky?
Anyway, while I was sitting at my keyboard this morning, totally bored and with no clue about what to write, I came up with this dumb idea about how to write a post that makes no sense, and get everyone to like it. (Sorry for the preposition at the end of the sentence, but I’m not in the mood right now to change it.)
The grammar police will be all over me for that one.
First off, to write a dumb post and get everyone to like it there are some rules you have to follow. Here are a few:
1. Write your post in a way that is so unique and strange that people will quickly become intrigued by it and want to read more.
It is not because the topic is interesting in itself, or that your retrospective is, it is because they have never seen anything so odd.
“When the intellectual meets the bizarre…interaction always follows.”
I don’t know if that makes any sense, but when I thought of it, I thought it sounded good so I wrote it down.
The intellect becomes so annoyed that something isn’t making sense that they can’t help but look at it even further, or go back over it again.
This is how you hook them in.
You see, smart people are very interested in dumb people and dumb things even though they will never admit that to anyone. So if you can easily get a smart person to follow you along with something dumb than you already have half the battle won.
They have become your prisoner and there is nothing they can do to stop you.
This is a sure proven way to get smart people to like your dumb post or write a comment.
And they will always comment.
Smart people always comment on dumb posts because they want to prove how much smarter they are then you. They will also hit the “Like” button afterwards because they want everyone else to see how educated and superior they are.
2. Another way to get people to like a dumb post is to get people to feel sorry for you.
Most people, out of the goodness of their heart, will throw you a bone out of genuine, sympathy. By using the sad puppy routine people will forget about how dumb the post is and concentrate more on trying to comfort you.
3. You can also get people to like a dumb post by repeatedly telling them that you are new to blogging and are worried that people will think your post is stupid.
You are absolutely correct. People may think it is stupid, and chances are it probably falls somewhere between downright dumb and hasn’t got a clue. And they will be very happy to tell you that.
That last trick only works for so long, so use it sparingly.
4. One other way to get people to like a dumb post is to make people believe that someone fed you the wrong information or took advantage of you.
This will not result in them being sorry for you, but it will make the reader become angry at the person who mislead you. Make sure you mention that person’s name so you automatically become the victim. Then they will feel sorry for you offer to make you a part of their special family and protect you from all the mean bloggers out there. This post technique always gets lots of “Likes.”
5. Use seductive and alluring Images.
Even if you have nothing intelligent or useful to say, people will always hang around longer if your post has images that excite them. Yes, sex does sell (we all know that) and if you are smart enough you can turn that fact into an advantage. People may not like the content of your post, but they will always comment on the sexy images.
“Cool Pic.” “Hot!” “Woo-hoo!” “I’ll like to have him hiding in my rose garden!”
This usually works more for women readers. Man usually do not like to show how perverted they are.
6. Make fun of yourself.
When you poke fun at yourself people love to chime in. People cannot resist helping you point at what is dumb and naïve about anything, and especially when it is about someone else.
Dumb posts are just that – dumb. They are filled with grammatical errors (like this one) they make no sense, they have no structure, they break all the rules, and hold absolutely no value for anyone.
BUT THAT’S WHY THEY GET SO MUCH ATTENTION!
The weird, the absurd, the hysterical, and of course the dumb will always garner more attention than they are worth. People sometimes get bored with all the holy than thou blogging posts, the professional headlines, and the endless, how to be a great blogger posts. Sometimes, they want to be entertained and have something to laugh at. Sometimes they want to be amused, and have an insane, idiosyncrasy to marvel over.
So, when you find yourself bored, and can’t think of anything intelligent or useful to write about, just write something dumb.
I promise you, it will most likely get plenty of attention and lots of “Likes.”
Joseph E. Rathjen is a freelance writer and an Opinion Writer at 1World Online – America’s Fastest Growing Social Research Engine.