Government intelligence officials are starting to tell us to watch our children more closely. They say that there are signs that we should be on the lookout for that could point to our children as being “domestic” terrorists.
To the government, we would like to say, “Thanks for the tip, but we already knew that.”
To think of our children as terrorists, and especially domestic ones, is not all that far-fetched. As parents, we have seen the patterns developing since they left the womb. From that very first cry, and that first evil stare, we always suspected they were out to make our lives a living hell.
And in more ways than one.
Some of our kids were born to wreak havoc and chaos on the world wherever they go, in our homes, in our cars, in our garages, in shopping malls, and anywhere else our peaceful serenity can possibly be destroyed.
And their methods of terror knows no boundaries.
Our kids tactics for terrorizing us are well advanced, and ones that would impress even the most experienced, counter-terrorism-expert. Homeland Security officials would be wise to consult with any parent who has raised at least one child. Parents are far more privy to how the diabolical mind of an evil child operates and quickly grows.
There is no field manual that could ever teach parents what they already know. They have been in the trenches of combat (in the domestic theater) and know from firsthand experience of the evil that lurks inside the minds of children.
Nevertheless, for the benefit of those who have not reaped those rewards, here are 7 tips that will help parents recognize that their precious, loving child, or children, are quickly developing into “domestic” terrorists.
Five Tips For Exposing Child-Terrorist-Activity In The Home
1. THE FAMILY PETS RUN AWAY FROM YOUR CHILDREN. Dogs and cats love to play with kids, but they have a very “keen” sense, and can pick up “terroristic” traits of kids more quickly than parents will. If your family pet appears petrified of one or more of your children, it is a good sign that you may have a “sleeper” cell developing in your home. Continue to watch the behavior of your dog and cat on a daily basis. Be especially vigilant if your dog or cat appears to be nodding to you when the kids walk by.
2. YOUR KIDS ARE HAVING SECRET MEETINGS BEHIND LOCKED BEDROOM DOORS AND YOU ARE NOT INVITED. Kids are notorious for becoming traitors and conspiring against their parents. If your kids are gathering in the bedrooms on a regular basis, and are whispering quietly while one acts as a lookout, chances are they are planning an attack. Having microphones hidden under their beds while they are at school can help you to obtain useful intelligence information to thwart a surprise attack.
3. YOUR KIDS ARE OPENING YOUR MAIL. If you suddenly see mail that you left around the house rummaged through, you should take notes. The kids may be stealing your credit card numbers and other vital information to shop online or buy more weapons for their favorite, online war games that teach basic and advanced battle strategy.
4. THEY ARE STARTING TO PLAY MIND GAMES WITH YOU. Questions like, “Mom, are you happy with your current relationship with Dad?” or “Dad, why does mom irritate you so much?” are clandestine ways for them to conquer and divide you and your spouse. Psychological warfare is at the forefront of child terror activity in the home today. Once they convince you that your husband or wife is harmful to your well-being they are halfway to gaining complete control over both of you.
5. FACEBOOK GETS NOTIFIED THAT BOTH YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE ARE DECEASED. This is by far the easiest and most common way kids get their parents thrown off Facebook so they cannot see what their kids are doing, or planning. Once they send Facebook any credible-looking information Facebook will close your accounts and lockout access to them. Good luck trying to get back on. You’ll have better luck trying to break into Fort Knox.
6. YOUR WIFI CONNECTION IS BECOMING SLOWER AND MORE SPORADIC. Kids know all sorts of hacking tricks to steal most of the wifi-connection signal in your home. They can obtain this information easily online and can use it to prevent you from accessing or communicating with the outside world. If you suddenly have lots of trouble loading pages while they are happily surfing along, you are probably the victim of digital terrorism by your children.
7. YOUR KIDS BECOME EXCEEDINGLY NICE TO YOU. This is one of the biggest signs that your kids are up to no good. Ever hear the term, “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?” Children take that advice literally when they are conspiring against their parents. Once they have you convinced that they would never do you harm, they strike quickly and show no mercy.
These 7 tips are only the crust of a whole bag of tricks being employed by children exhibiting terroristic behavior that the government knows nothing about. Other things like spilling soda on the carpet of your new car on purpose, or giving your plants too much water when they are mad at you are others.
Ever wonder why you always have a sock missing after letting one of your kids do the laundry? Yup, they learn that one in the 101-course field manual of how to terrorize your parents when you are mad at them.
Don’t worry about your children becoming “domestic” terrorists – they already are!
Joseph E. Rathjen is a freelance writer and an Opinion Writer at 1World Online.