Planet Happy

Planet Happy


The Daily Prompt: Interplanet Janet

Bulletin: NASA scientists have announced today that they have discovered and made contact with a new planet from within our very own solar system. 

“We are all shocked,” said Dr. Travis Blinders, who has been NASA’s leading scientist on the Planetary Exploration Program for the last 20-years. “It was right in front of us the whole time but we were never able to see it!”

In an emergency interview this morning at NASA’s headquarters, Blinders showed me – exclusively – an interplanetary transcript from himself and the planet’s leader who is a biological human like the rest of us and who calls himself, simply…Joseph.

Here is a copy of the transcript:

NASA: “We have received your message. Hello…”

Alien: “Hello…earthling.”

NASA: “What is your name?”

Alien: “Joseph.”

NASA: “Just…Joseph? Do you have a last name?”

Alien – Now Known As Joseph: “We don’t use last names here.”

NASA: “Okay. Where is your planet, Joseph?”

Joseph: (Chuckles heard) “Right next to yours.”

NASA: “We don’t see it. There are planets next to ours. Do you live on one of those?”

Joseph: “No, I don’t…and you can’t see it because it’s invisible.”

NASA: “It’s invisible? How can that be? Our radar would have picked up on it.”

Joseph (chuckling again): “Your radar doesn’t work as well as you think it does.”

NASA: “Okay. Can you tell us something about yourself and your planet?”

NOTE: There was a few moments of silence before the alien called Joseph began to speak again, but when he did he gave NASA an abundance of information about how his planet was created. He then went on to explain what is on his planet and how people live there. The transcript is very long, but here are some of the important and fascinating highlights:

NASA: “You said you created the planet yourself. Why did you do that?”

Joseph: “Because life on planet Earth had become a nuisance and I was tired of it and all of the people and all of the stupid rules.”

NASA: “And?”

Joseph: “So I decided to create my own planet…where life would be easier, happier and where people would love each other and get along.”

NASA: “Joseph, that’s fascinating. How did you do all that?”

Joseph: “First I made the planet, then I sat on it then made my own rules…for the good of mankind.”

NOTE: There was a long pause in the transcript, then this:

NASA: “And what are those rules?”

NOTE: After another long pause Joseph sent a list of things about his planet. Here are some of the most interesting ones:

1. My planet is called “Happy.” It is called Happy because it does not have all the horrible things Earth has on it – it does not have war, famine, disease, inequality, racial injustice or immorality. It has none of these things that cause so many problems on Earth, because as soon as they do they are quickly eradicated. Smart…huh?

2. Everyone on Planet Happy is the same sex and is Happy about it. There is no such thing as a man or a woman. They are all called, “Happys.” Happys do their own thing and everyone minds their own business.

3. All resources on Planet Happy are free. Things like food, clothes, houses, cars and other personal items are for all to enjoy. However, everyone is limited to only one of each.

4. Everyone is the same color on Happy. It is neither black or white. It is Gray. That’s why we have no racial bigotry on Happy. Everyone is very happy with the other person’s color.

5. There is only one religion on Happy. It is called “Happyism.” Happyism promotes the theory and belief that if everyone is happy then we all worship the same God.

6. There is no government. There is only a Happy Planet Commission that make sure everyone has what they need.

NASA: “That certainly is incredible, Joseph. Without getting into all the other specifics about your planet, are people on Earth allowed to visit the planet Happy?”

Joseph: “Yes, of course.”

NASA: “And how do we get there and how much will it cost?”

NOTE: There was a long pause and then this:

Joseph: “We’ll send a shuttle ship for visitors. And don’t worry about money. We have no money here on the planet Happy. To get here, however, there is a one-time fee for the visit. We take VISA, and thereafter a monthly recurring cost if you want to stay here.”

NASA: “Joseph, I thought you said there is no money on Happy?”

Joseph: “There isn’t, but how the hell do you think we’re going to get all that stuff up here? We have to buy it all off of you!”



Joseph E. Rathjen is an Opinion Writer for 1World Online – America’s Fastest Social Research Engine.

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