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The Politician’s Sex Scandal Survival Guide

By Joseph E Rathjen
August 10, 2013

At almost any day of the week another story breaks out about a mayor, congressman or some other politician caught in a sizzling sex scandal. From the east coast to the west coast accusations of groping, infidelity, sex-texting and the procurement of prostitution have become almost a daily news event. It doesn’t seem to matter anymore that the politician has done the dastardly deed itself. What seems more important is how many times they have done it, how many times they have been caught, how many times they got away with it and how rational their excuses were for doing it.

That’s the real news. Quantity and length of involvement rank much higher-up the public opinion poll for deciding how the accused is judged and how they survive.

For instance, if you are a politician and get caught the first time with your pants down, you automatically receive a free pass. There is no public lynching, no congressional hearing, no going to jail and basically no accountability at all. Everyone deserves a second chance…right? Say you are sorry, shrug it off and go about your business. Everyone forgives you. It doesn’t matter that you actually committed a crime.

Now here’s where it starts to get tricky. Even though you’ve already denied or admitted to an affair or illicit sex act or at least one of them, that automatically doesn’t guarantee you will be forgiven a second time around. There are rules you must follow. If you want to improve your chances of escaping liability the second, third or fourth time around, you must do one of the following:

  1. Be forgiven by your wife – publicly. If she forgives you publicly and stands by your side everyone else will – at least for a while.
  2. Admit you have a problem and will be seeking help for it. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to a full, happy and political recovery. If people think you are going to rehab, it looks better, even though you’re probably not going to.
  3. Remind people of how many criminals you put away in jail for doing the same thing you did. A good prosecutorial record can far outweigh your own criminal involvement.
  4. Be married to or find someone to marry who has more political clout than you do. They will almost always save your sorry ass to save their own political career.
  5. Payoff any accuser who hasn’t come forward yet. There is a reason why they are waiting. You don’t want them striking at the wrong time like when your political career is at an all-time high.

A politician has to remember today that voters are much more forgiving than they were in the past. In a world where questionable sexual acts and misdemeanor crimes aren’t such a big deal anymore, politicians can get away with almost anything they want to. As a matter of fact, it can serve as an advantage in a tightly run election. By taking the heat off yourself for past, personal indiscretions, everyone will probably forget about why you were running for office in the first place and will most likely re-elect you.

But if that does not happen, don’t worry…surely another politician will screw up in a year or two and leave open a political office that you can easily slink into.

© Joseph E Rathjen – All Rights Reserved – 2013

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