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Dating CartoonThis Really Does not fit here…But…I Have to Go out Dating!
(For The Daily Prompt: WordPress)
By Joseph E Rathjen
June 23, 2013

I usually write about politics, in case no one has noticed, but this time I am going to write on a topic I know absolutely nothing about. It’s a topic, or should I say – a quagmire that has recently entered my life and is so frightening that I would rather just write about it instead of actually trying to get involved in it.

Wow, people are probably going to say to themselves, it must be very scary, huh, what is it? Yes, it is scary and that is because it’s a thing called…DATING!

Dating is something I know absolutely nothing about, but this is to be expected because I recently got divorced (over a year ago) after twenty-eight years of marriage. The reason why I got divorced is not important for the purposes of this post, so do not ask me about it. All you need to know is that at times, it was a long and painful process and now miraculously by the grace of God it is finally over.

So what do I do now? Because I am a man, and a healthy one, I do have needs and desires (you know what I am talking about) that from time to time needs to be addressed. Please, do not get me wrong here, it is just that God has given me specific instincts, and thankfully, he has not seen any reason to take them away from me yet…which for me, is a good sign.

These needs come in varying degrees of self-centered behavior, needs like love, companionship, friendship, understanding, tolerance, and a good ear to lean on at times and of course…that other thing.

So how do I go about satisfying these needs? Here it comes…I have to go out dating.

That is a scary thought, right? Since I have looked around the dating world (for about six-months now) I have concluded that it is compromised with mostly nothing but a bunch of losers and people who do not really know what they are looking for. Of course, there are the occasional prospects that seem like they would be a good match, but unfortunately, they always end up living about 992 miles away.

Unfortunately, what I have left on my frequent-flyer card account is not up to the task.

Then again, there are those endless profiles to go through, like the ones on Match dot com. Some women’s profiles look like resumes for a job application at The United Nations. In addition, they all have Bachelors Degrees. I never realized there were so many women out there with Bachelors Degrees.

Are they that easy to get? I wish I would have known about this before, I could have went to night school and got one myself and be prepared. It would certainly have given us plenty to talk about on our first date.

Moving on here, I have also noticed that some women have very strange and peculiar occupations, like the woman on my first date. She designed bombshells for the United States military. After revealing that little tidbit of information (over clams and cheese-sticks), she asked me if I would like to go over to her house and see her guns. I kid you not. Sorry lady, but that combination is just not what I’m looking for at the moment.

Then there are the pictures. Oh yes, those elusive pictures that just might be Photoshopped, but you never really know now, do you, that is, until you meet them in person.

One woman I went out with looked nothing at all like the woman I saw on the dating site. If I knew it was her grandmother I was actually going to meet, I could have brought along a bottle of Centrum Silver and a walking cane to help get her into the restaurant.

I could go on and on here about why the dating world (for an older person) is such a scary thing. I am sure plenty of you reading this know what I am talking about and are going through the same problem. However, sometimes there comes a time in your life when you have to ask yourself if the hunt for new love and romance is really worth all the aggravation, time and money you will invest.

Are you happy now? Are you alone, but not lonely?

I am. I just got my new set of Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show DVDs, forty-years of Carson classics.

Besides, I can always wait to hook up (with a date) until the next time I go to Walmart on a Saturday night at 11pm. In case you did not know, the action is good there on a Saturday night, especially in the electronics section. Who needs Match dot com…Go to where the real action is!

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9 thoughts on “This Really Doesn’t Fit Here – But I Have To Go Out Dating!

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  5. I agree with you about pictures these days. They can be misleading.
    While–yes–it’s fun to use filters and all other effects to see the results, there are those who choose to use such as representations of themselves when it’s so far from what they really look like.
    On the other side of that coin, after seeing and knowing that such pictures exist, I believe they provide a turning point: to risk or not.
    Good luck on the dating scene!

    • Hi Mati, and thanks for stopping by. I’ve given to asking my potential dates to make the peace sign in front of the mirror and send it immediately to me for verification. No takers yet…oh well…there’s always my Johnny Carson DVD’s.

  6. Online dating takes a lot of filtering and talking to them. I only tried one date, but filtered many. was too time consuming. Having many friends and being up for meeting new people and doing things works best for me. I take dating out of the contract, I am up front and tell them I always have to become friends first. This takes the pressure off both sides. It also gives each other a realistic view of who they really are before you make that commitment to DATE. I look for someone that shares common interests. Therefore I have many differrent friends for activities. Not everyone likes to Golf, or swim or walk. I too am happy in my own skin. I know someday God will find someone that fits the puzzle. He will do the same for you Joe. Until then Im glad you are happy in your own skin, that is the best step. Best to you too Joe. Jane

    • Thanks for stopping by Jane. And you’re right, god is keeping someone at bay who is just right for me. Hopefully he’ll sent her to Walmart this Saturday night!

      Have a great day!

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