That’s Way Too Much Info!
By Joseph E Rathjen
June 6th, 2013
Some people do not understand the phrase: that is too much information, or: that’s strictly on a need to know basis. Actor Michael Douglas is one of those people. In a recent London, newspaper interview, Douglas admitted that he became ill with throat cancer from performing oral sex (cunnilingus) on a woman who had, or still has the HPV virus. Which woman, specifically – he did not reveal.
Are we supposed to guess who? Please, do not keep us in suspense now Michael, after all, a good storyteller does not suck you in and then leave you hanging; but don’t worry, us perceptive folk kind of get the picture of who it could have been.
It’s amazing how some people never know when to shut their mouths, or are so willing to supply information about their private lives, and in the most minute details – information which none of us need to know or really do not want to know about. And sometimes, it comes from the most unexpected sources – like work colleagues and sometimes, even from complete strangers.
Have you ever been sitting down having lunch, with a work colleague, when all of a sudden they start telling you the most intimate details of their personal relationships? Stuff like, how many times they have sex with their spouses or if their girlfriends and boyfriends are any good in bed or…not very good at all.
Then there are the people who tell you how freaking lazy and stupid their husbands and wives are, and how useless their kids have become. It’s those people I just want to smile at and say to, “So you’re telling me your whole family is a bunch of losers?”
Then sometimes they will tell you about their affairs, and I’m not talking about the legal ones. A woman I have known for a few years (who takes the commuter bus with me to work) and who I’ve admired and respected, recently told me how she wrecked two marriages fooling around with married men.
Thanks for the info, lady – at least at one time, I thought you were one.
The people who intrigue me the most, though, are the ones who look for reassurance, or a certain kind of sympathy and approval for their wacky behavior. The conversation always seems to start out like this: “Can I ask you a question…have you ever…?
It’s those times I want to scream out and yell, “No…I have never done that, and please don’t tell me anymore!” There’s enough madness and chaos in the world, I don’t need you adding anymore to it.
But the best are kids – little kids. They always seem to know exactly when the worst time is to say the wrong thing. Like when there is a house full of company.
Case in point; I was at a birthday party recently when one of the guests, who was a male, asked the female hostess if he could lay down in her and her husband’s bed for a while, because he wasn’t feeling well. Before she answered him, her five-year-old daughter walked between them, then blurted out: “It’s okay, go ahead, mommy and daddy always have other men come and sleep with them!”
Stop sign…can we please backpedal that moment!
It is very admirable to always be truthful and never tell a lie. But there are times when constraint and holding back specific information will keep people’s personal opinions of you intact – and hopefully, for the positive.
So the next time you have that sneaky, little urge to tell the world you’re deep, darkest little, secret – take a step back and hold your breath… because maybe, that’s just a little bit of…too much info.
- Michael Douglas has struck a blow for oral sex (guardian.co.uk)